Friday, August 20, 2010

You don't get a "do-over"

Hello there everyone! I know I've gone MIA in the past 3 months; waiting for your pro pics to arrive is definitely a study in patience.

However, in the days/weeks after our wedding, I've been going through an incredibly varied range of emotions. For the first couple of weeks after the event, all of our family and friends couldn't stop talking about the day. We reminisced about the fun we all had, and how smoothly everything ran. It was bliss.

Then a few more weeks passed. The online photo gallery became available to us, and the questions and nit-picking started to occur. I was officially depressed.


This is the thing: it doesn't make a lick of sense. We had a wonderful day, overall. The weather was lovely, Justin and I were able to share our wedding day with our family and friends, and the party was a fabulous time. So, why the heck am I upset over it? Here, I'll make you a list of a few things:

  • I'm sad that it is all over.
  • I'm sad that we don't get to do this again, ever. The planning (and the party) is complete, and you don't get to have a "do-over."
  • I wish I would have made a few decisions differently during my planning.
  • I wish I would have had more time to enjoy our reception.
  • I'm depressed that our first look was only one photo, especially because that was one of the aspects of the day that I was most looking forward to.
  • I'm devastated that there aren't photos of my bouquet and the bridesmaids' bouquets: I was so incredibly in love with them, but they didn't get a moment to shine in our photos.
  • Was I the most beautiful I've ever been on our wedding day? No. Justin even confirmed this with me: I always thought that he'd say something to our kids like, "on our wedding day, your mother was the most beautiful I've ever seen her." Eh, I guess not (for the record though, Justin said that the most beautiful I've ever been to him was the first day we met...when I had no makeup and dirty hair up in a ponytail. It is cute that he thinks it, but kind of depresses me that I put a lot of time, work, and money into how I looked on the wedding day, and I didn't really feel that it was my best in the end.).
  • Even though we will [eventually] go on one, I'm sad that Justin and I still haven't had a honeymoon (actually, we have never been on any vacation together yet...not even a weekend getaway. Nothing).

I think that during the wedding planning process, it is easy to become enraptured with the ideal. You and your fiance will have a stunning wedding and reception, you will head off on an incredibly romantic honeymoon, and then return to newlywed bliss...for eternity. Now, I don't want to be a Debbie Downer, but if you haven't already guessed, the ideal is not what most people are going to experience. Don't get me wrong; I love Justin, and the life that we have together right now is very happy. VERY happy. However, we definitely feel like we've missed out on a few things.

The most common question I get asked nowadays is "how is married life? Are you loving it?" I never know what to say to them. Married life feels...the same. Justin and I have a similar schedule to before the wedding. Sure, we live together now, but the two of us already had a routine that we were comfortable with. I guess I figured that I would feel a little bit different. And...maybe we will...when we finally get to have a honeymoon in some shape or form (aka spend uninterrupted time together to really enjoy one another). Or, maybe that "newlywed bliss" feeling is just something I will never have. I guess I'll have to check back in with you in a few months to let you know about that...

So, before my recaps officially begin, I just wanted to put these thoughts out on the table. Many Bees before me have talked about post-wedding depression, and I hate to say it...but it is indeed real. You spend months planning a huge, life changing event, and when it is over you can kind of feel lost. During the planning process I KNEW that everything wouldn't turn out perfectly, but it was all hypothetical at that point. Facing the realities of inconvenient timing, missing photos, and other various elements of the day is sobering. It is very difficult to NOT focus on the aspects of your day that aren't how you planned for them.

Anyway, what I am trying to say in the end is: realistically, there is no way that your wedding is going to be perfect down to every single detail. SOMETHING, whether it is small or large, is not going to be the way you envisioned. are going to have to live with it. Like I said before, you don't get to have a "do-over" on your wedding day. For now, I am going to work on focusing on the wonderful memories that Justin and I have of our wedding day, because there ARE many. And, I'm going to get pumped up to share my recaps with you...because like I said, there are many wonderful things about our day that I can't wait to divulge.

Did you experience post-wedding depression? How did you learn to put aside the feelings of resentment for aspects of your day that went awry?


  1. Katie....I'm very sorry that you are going through this funk. I'm getting married next month and I hope this post-wedding depression thingy doesn't hit me. But I have to tell you....I strongly disagree with you saying that you don't get to do this ever again, because you can. MANY people have "renewal of the vows" ceremonies and they are EXACTLY like a complete wedding.....with wedding party, wedding gown, ceremony, bouquet, reception, new rings.....everything! So if you still feel like you'd like another chance to do some things that maybe you missed out on, think about a renewal in 10 years. I don't's something to think about. Or at the very least, something to comfort you for now. There's a big difference between thinking you CAN'T and knowing you COULD if you wanted to.....right?
    My fiance and I have been together for 9 years and have also NEVER been on any type of "sleep over" anywhere! And it doesn't look as if our honeymoon will be happening immediately after the wedding either. I'll be lucky if we can get something together within a few months after. So I hope that you can take a little conciliation in knowing that you're not alone out there on this one. =)
    So cheer up, do some wedding tragedy reading and consider yourself blessed for all the wonderful things in your life.....because it could always be worse.

  2. Thanks for posting this. I love real, honest answers from gals who have been there. I have to admit though, I've dreaded & hated every second of planning this wedding. The day itself will be awesome, I know but I find myself looking forward to freedom - a weekend with ZERO planning of any kind. If it makes you feel any better I'm jealous of your position - wanna switch? :)

    I'm psyched for your recaps too! I can't wait to see how all the details came together!!!

  3. @GonnaBeHisMrs - Ah, but I'll have to disagree with you too. A vow renewal ceremony would not be the same; we will never be able to get the same group of people that were with us on our wedding day together again. It is just extremely unlikely. And, besides, I highly doubt that I would even want to do a wedding all over again in 10 years. Our money would be much better spent in other places than on a vow renewal/wedding/etc. We'd probably rather put thousands of dollars towards a vacation or something to that accord. But, who knows what we'll think in 10 years...

  4. Oh I totally relate to this. You already know how disappointed I was with our photographer...I also don't have any photos of our bouquets (a couple but not truly good ones). And I know what you mean about how fast it goes by and not getting enough time at the reception. And Mr Fix It was just saying this week how sick he is of people asking him 'how's married life?' He never knows what to say.

    There is just so much that goes into these life experiences with planning and waiting that sometimes as great as the actual event is, our emotional state doesn't let us experience it the way we wanted to. It's like our expectations become so much more than the reality could ever lead up to.

    My sister experienced this during the delivery of her own baby! She was bawling after the baby was placed in her hands but she later told me it was because she was just so overwhelmed with all that the people in the room (nurses, family, etc) were telling her to do and asking her about. She was crying because she wasn't feeling what she thought she should be feeling. So sad.

    I always try to remind myself and tell those I love not to ever put expectations on anything or anyone. That way, you'll never be let down when people or things fail you but you'll always be grateful when something makes you happy.

    Now don't get me wrong...I am not saying never to expect anything from anyone because we are all meant to be respectful of each other and all that jazz...but you get what I am saying - try not to put too much hype into things that you're waiting to happen.

    I can't say this enough for you about your future honeymoon or vacation (which *WILL* happen one day!)...don't put too much expectation on it or you'll be let down for sure! Just let things happen...and try to feel better. I feel for ya, girl!

  5. I did feel post wedding depression. My pictures I received back were not what I had always dream't of, far from. There are many things I wish I could have done differently. BUT it was still the best night of my life. I enjoyed every minute! So nothing can take that away :)


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